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The winds have brought you here. You might as well rest, and take a look around. It is the space of me, a person called 4:30 AM. Here, I let my mind wander and allow it to unload what has been flowing through it. All too often, they are troubled waters, as I struggle with my past and the intense shame and guilt it brings. Therefore, take heed: My texts deal with pain and self-harm, sexual violence, substance abuse and thoughts of suicide. These are all things I have committed, and are carrying on me like a leaden jacket. If this is nothing for you, I beg you to leave. Do not trouble yourself with it. I did not harm you. I harmed my victims, and I was granted forgiveness from them, if not from myself.
But there is also beauty to be found here. I will share my passion for painted and photographed art. The deep joy I feel when looking at a fiery morning sky or the clouds passing on overhead. The close to spiritual connection I feel when I hear music. All of this you will find here as well.
Might it be an entertaining stay. If you wish, you can get in contact with me at any time. Forgive me for not offering a phone number, but my privacy is sacrosanct for me. If you happen to know me in person and you have gotten the link to my blog page: welcome! Good to see you. It means I must trust you. But even if we have never met: enjoy your stay.
Seek heaven through violence.
Pushed to the brink by exhaustion and anxiety, I take a step long since dreaded. A trip to the clinic later, I hold a new diagnosis in my hand. And seeing - realizing - hurts deeper than I imagined. Not, because it feels false. But because it feels true, and has done so for years.
Art: Seeking relief; by: 4:30 AM
430am.org is a personal blog that explores the author's inner life through reflective texts, poems, and art. It serves as a platform for self-expression and creative exploration.
I will not post regularly, only when inspiration strikes. But rest assured: I do like writing, as it helps me manage my mind. Therefore, I will strive to upload at least once every two weeks.
Alas, no. This is my personal space. But feel free to get in contact with me and discuss what you have seen!
Not as of now, as I do not see the need for it. But if you are interested, I will think about it.
If you enjoy 430am.org, please share it with your friends. But please be respectful to my wish to stay anonymously. It is for me to reveal myself, not for you.
Not by my own accord. I am not a friend of social media. If you use and enjoy it, I do not wish to diminish your joy. But I for myself do not see the need. My friends know me, and my email is active.
If what you have read touched, inspired or upset you, feel free to get in touch. I would love to answer your questions or discuss with you about, well anything, really.